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[10 Apr 2007|05:44pm] |
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got that new livejournal!
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| its been awhile |
[21 Mar 2007|05:31pm] |
i think everything about 'us' was a complete joke.
you're selfish. and i can't stand the thought of you.
you turned out just like him. someone you hate.
my life's been great, but i doubt you care.
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[27 Feb 2007|08:13pm] |
i was given a ticket to go see Justin Timberlake tonight. But what am i doing instead? watching American Idol.
I went to the dentist today. they're keep telling me how gorgeous my smile is, but we all know that's what dentist do when they want you to get yr wisdom teeth pulled A.S.A.P. i have a horse smile.
i guess zach doesn't like me anymore. he's doing exactly what he did to jenna when he didn't want anything to do with her, to me. i honestly don't care, except for the fact guys can't just tell you when they want nothing to do with you anymore. it makes them look horrible. they're all full of shit. i have been talking to dereck alot more. the things he tells me are incredible for a girl to hear haha.
i got my license plate and insurance. i don't know if i can drive it yet. friday i'm going to the slumber party massacre reunion show, saturday i'm going to columbus, and i'm being forced to go looking for a job sunday.
oh did i mention how i'm failing?
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[24 Feb 2007|09:58am] |
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i come back home with part of my family in new york mad at me. i'm really sick of fucking up with people, and this time it wasn't even my goddamn fault.
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[23 Feb 2007|06:47am] |
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i could really go for a breakfast sandwhich from micky d's right about now. and a coffee from dunkin donuts. i'm ready to hit the road.
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[22 Feb 2007|12:04pm] |
i hate my cellphone. & i hate getting messages saying that people have tried to call my cellphone, but i never get their calls. i'm not blaming them, i'm blaming my cellphone. cause i hate it. and i hate not having good service. there!
ghost rider-don't waste yr money on it.
i'm making a goal to see atleast 10 movies in theater this year. that's a big number to me.
i'm coming back to georgia tomorrow at 4 a.m.
oh & FUCK YOU YOU GOD DAMN LURKERS! STOP GETTING ALL UP IN MY GRILL
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[21 Feb 2007|10:35am] |
for once i make a decision for myself in one night, then all this has to happen
oh my god hahahahahah
juice
mason * ---
zach h. ---
brett b.
shane *
mat ---
dereck p. ~
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[20 Feb 2007|01:01am] |
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mood |
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 stressed |
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since i've left kendalls really the only person that's called me to see how i've been and whatnot. her and people off myspace that i've never met.
i'm really not looking forward to coming back to georgia now.
i feel like i have nothing really to come back to.
i don't give a shit if i'm taking this too far. not my damn fault. i'm going through too much fucking shit up here to care about whats going on down there, but i do it anyway. it's just building up more and more.
the only thing i have to look forward to when i get back is baking jareds birthday cake with him.
all day i've been moving shit out of my grandma's house. depressing as fuck. i'm taking so much shit back home though.
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| Febuary, Valentine's day |
[14 Feb 2007|09:02pm] |
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music |
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american idol. |
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it's either i don't deserve to have a good Valentine's Day,
or i'll just never have one ever.
i woke up with my mom yelling at me.
ruining all my plans.
i was asked to go on a date tonight and she ruined it for me.
the first time a boy EVER asked me on a date.
my first date i'd ever be on. and i couldn't go.
i go to school and just see everyone sucking faces wtih their boyfriends/girlfriends and it made me realize how shitty my life has been when it came to guys this year, already. and it's only the 2nd month of this year.
i hate all of this.
i think the only good part was when kendall gave me a chocolate heart.
but no boyfriend.
did'nt see my valentine, and probably wo'nt be able to since i have to go leave for fucking new york again, and i didn't get to see my kayla.
from the week my grandma was dying, to today has been the worst time of my life.
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[11 Feb 2007|12:30pm] |
i keep having dreams about my Ollie.
i've become so paranoid about loosing people that are closest to me, that's its seriously driving me insane. you can tell by my actions and words that it's driving me crazy.
just the way that people have been acting towards me makes me jump to conclusions. my bestfriends either don't understand, or aren't in the mood to talk to anyone, which is something i should just get through my head and live wtih- and those that i hardly ever talk to anymore, have been trying to get in touch with me. i dont know how i should feel about any of this.
on the brightside ; happy birthday adam. <3
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| its been awhile |
[09 Feb 2007|04:36pm] |
i can honestly say there has been 2 people that have actually been here for me the past few days. kendall and mat. i feel really selfish for wanting people to actually ask how i've been doing. alot of my 'friends' haven't even noticed that i've been gone, or really sick, or anything.
i want a time machine so i can hurry up and bring benn & teresa into my life.
i'm failing two classes since i missed a week of school. i feel really low on myself about that.
i have no voice. i gained weight. bleh.
i'm leaving next weekend. for the week. if anyone cares.
i hope i feel better so i can atleast hang out with kendall for alittle while before i leave again. we're suppose to hang out tomorrow, but i just don't know how i'm feeling.
i'm getting a xanga back.
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[30 Jan 2007|11:59pm] |
my cousins took me to go see The Hitcher tonight. It definitly wasn't the best movie i've ever seen, but it was a shitload better than the last one i went to. when we left, it was snowing so much. it kept getting in my eye.
i called shane because i missed talking to him and he hadn't called me in awhile, but i guess i shouldn't have bothered. apparently i was being mean.
when i got back to my aunts house and everything, my other aunt thats also staying with us started talking about how suprised she was when she saw my mom. she thinks my mom seriously needs some sort of help. i think we all do. hearing her talk all of that ( knowing that every word of it was true ) when she asked me how things were at my home, i just broke down and cried. i finally poured out. i couldn't keep it in anymore. i've met my match. both of my aunts think that we need to all go to family counciling, but i know that won't ever happen. i told them how my dad is to me, how he's constantly putting me down, thinking he knows whats best for me, telling me how i'm pretty much nothing that he wanted in a daughter. it really does hurt. no matter how much i deny it. my mom has an eating disorder. it makes me feel like shit knowing i can't do anything about it. i can't do anything about either of my parents and it's already affecting my fucking 4 year old sister.
i swear to god, when i'm out, my parents are going to realize everything they've been telling me really wasn't for the best. i'm going to prove them wrong. and when my sister gets older, and she has to deal with this shit (which it would be a miracle if they'd notice all the bullshit lies they're feeding to themselves) i'm going to be there for my sister. no matter what. i'm sure she won't have a problem with them knowing the attitude she already has, but i want to become the best friend my sister will ever have.
when i get back to georgia, i'm going to my old counselor. we all know how hard it is for me to talk, but i'm going to try. it's for the best.
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| 5 in the morning |
[28 Jan 2007|09:10am] |
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music |
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godspeed you! black emporer |
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r.i.p anna "ollie" graziano. i love you more than you could imagine.
edit;
i just got back from my aunt's house. i never realized how big my family was. i have alot of cousins, too. it was so weird without Ollie there. I kept turning around thinking she'd be there. And everyone would keep saying how my eyes would remind them of her. i have the same eyes as her. i have a part of her with me. blah blah. i just can't believe she's gone. she's one of those people you'd think live forever. but she's in a better place. she's where she needs to be. she's with my popey now.
i've also realized how selfish some of my friends can be. and how they honestly could careless how i feel.
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[27 Jan 2007|06:50pm] |
i left kayla's before 9 in the morning, and caught a plane.
i'm in new york right now. i feel so much at home.
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| these past couple of days have probably been the most depressing of my life so far. |
[25 Jan 2007|09:19pm] |
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i usually love going to airports. i love watching the people. this time, it was just fucking upsetting. my dad went to go get my sister a snack and while i was sitting there doing my homework a really cute boy came and sat next to me. he looked at my ipod and we started talking about music, and we liked the same things. he kept telling me how pretty my eyes were and me in general. god, he was so nice too. i only got to talk to him for about 15 minutes then he said how he was running late and he asked for my number and name, i didn't tell him stan though. i didn't want to explain since he was running late and my dad was asking me why he was talking to me because he doesn't trust boys that look "scene". when we went to go to my moms gate and wait for her to come out, i saw him standing against a wall with over 30 people in a straight line. i asked my dad what was going on and he was telling me how he had to do that too when he flew into atlanta. i still didn't get why, then i realized that he was going into the military. god bless him.
i was so excited to see my mom, i missed her so much. i cried when she hugged me because i missed her so much. on the way to the car she was just holding my hand and telling me about Ollie. I started bawling in the parking lot because she kept telling me that tomorrow i have to start packing and get prepared to go back up to new york. she was telling me this morning at 4 ollie woke her up saying "she's so pretty, she's so pretty" my mom kept asking who and she just kept saying "she's so pretty." "stephanie's so pretty". i tried talking to Ollie yesterday, but she can't even hold a conversation. the doctor says that she's probably going to last this month. i talked to my cousin kevin a couple days ago and it was just so depressing. i think he's the only one that i could actually talk to about how i feel about all this. i know he's taking it hard. we all are. damien is taking it really hard. he won't talk to anyone about it, but i know if i get up there he'll come to me. i know it. kevin wants me to design him a tattoo. he wants it to mean and be something about ollie, but for hisself. not like my aunts.
before we went to the airport though, it was funny because my dad's friends that he works with Loree and Carol? maybe that's her name, Loree wanted me to stop by the police department because she didn't believe that i was 16. I walk in there ..
me: "is Loree here?" C:"yes she is, does she know you?" me: "i'm david hills daughter" C: " OH MY GOD!! LOOKAT YOU! YR SO PRETTY! YOUVE GROWN UP SO FAST!" Loree couldn't believe how much i've changed either haha. it's great.
i haven't been in the mood to talk to anyone really. can't even update my journal until now. i miss kayla & kendall. jared's been trying to be there for me though. it's just hard for my friends because i can't really explain everything that's going on with me.
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[19 Jan 2007|07:07pm] |
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my mom left to the airport today. sucky good-bye.
my day has been going pretty good, i just burnt my ear with a curling iron though.
i get to make my 'life' decision this sunday.
it might be for the best. i know it will be.
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[18 Jan 2007|08:56pm] |
all i gotta say my niggas iz,
FOUR FAT BITCHES IN DA PHONEBOOTH!
FOUR FAT BITCHES IN DA PHONEBOOTH!
DONT PLAY WID US DONT PLAY WID US
FOUR FAT BITCHES IN DA PHONEBOOTH!
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[14 Jan 2007|04:57pm] |
sam & autumn showed up at my house last night. i screamed. sam came over to let me in on something and for me to help her with some personal "business". we went to the store, came back, laid on my bed for awhile then autumn and sam tried convincing me to get out of the house. i really didn't want to go anywhere but they went through my closet, found me something to wear, and made me go to peachtreecity with them. we waited for cj & trevor, but yeah. went to autumns instead and played DDR. i lost 50 calories. i think i was the only one proud of that.
right now i'm waiting for juice to come over.
i want to go to the MLK parade tomorrow.
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| i needed last night |
[13 Jan 2007|02:23pm] |
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mood |
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 crappy |
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music |
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explosions in the sky |
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i went to a show in peachtree city lastnight after getting lost and turning around a million times. i met up with erin, autumn, and kristin. i got to see zach perform, and hang out with sean yan. kyle d and i were inseperatable. we went "backstage" and walked in on john in the bathroom while practicing before he played. i thought it wasn't fair how the boys bathroom had all this furniture and the girls bathroom had none. oceania was pretty fucking great. i was suppose to go play disney scene it afterwards at erins. i came home. then i got in a bitchy mood. then i cried. then i went to sleep. the end.
all i'm doing is reading today. my mom went out and bought me my book, i'm on chapter 6 now. juice was suppose to come over, but i guess he is tomorrow. i don't want to see anyone today anyway.
i haven't talked to benn nor teresa in awhile. i'm talking to benn & pytlak now on aim.
i'm over a week late this month.
i'm going back to bed =/
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[13 Jan 2007|02:13pm] |
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i'm sick of hearing how great of friends, my friends are with people that were once my friends. i don't want to hear about melissa. i don't want to hear about andrew. i don't want to hear about jesse or daniel or bryan. they stopped talking to me for some god damn reason so why the hell would i want to hear about how you talk to them still. or hang out with them. it's just like a slap in the goddamn face. i'm a bad person, i get it. people can't stay friends with me, i know this. don't fucking talk to me about it. make up shit. tell me you don't talk to them. it makes me feel a shitload better and doesn't waste my time by thinking about them.
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